God sure knows how to cheer up His children

Today I took the computer driven test two times, only two fail it both times, COULD IT BE ANY HARDER???.. I cried so bitterly that the receptionist said I didn’t have to pay the fee today for taking it the second time. I must admit that even though driving and money don’t bring complete happiness they sure leave you a corner away, holy moly, what trying times when you have neither.

Anyways I got home to find someone had bought that nursery painting that I so lovingly made one day, nothing quite like the feeling of getting money from something you so happily made. I think I’ve sold enough things to actually feel like, with effort and time, this can work out

and hopefully next time I will past that insanely hard test..

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IN HIS TIME, And I wait, and I keep trying and I will have to do what I do not want to do..

My last two and a half jobs have been nothing short of a nightmare; leaving me  weak and utter in despair to plunge more fiercely into what I love: Art, being present at home, having my own schedule and being free. Yet, as I have learned very few businesses happen overnight with the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It is lots of  investment, fierce competition that pushes you to know you need to improve more and more,  lots of work to create, present it, adverse it, promote it and put yourself out there. That last part is probably the hardest for me, the risky business of showing the work that comes from your soul and having it be critiqued or possibly rejected or ignored. Some days I put all my supplies away and neatly assembled, as a symbol that I am done; only to take it out an hour later because I felt an urge to paint one more thing.

It’s a world of dreams, time stops and all that matters are the colored brush  strokes putting my soul on paper. I wish I didn’t have to stop, then reality wouldn’t press in like it does ” this is not paying the bills heidi, in fact, it is putting the bills behind,  go get online and KEEP LOOKING FOR A JOB” and so I do…

” Looking for energetic individual” the add reads..nope, not me. Looking for leader qualities and outgoing, positive individual” nope to me. ” Great organizational skills, high speed person, enthusiastic” definitely not me; well wait.. all jobs require some of that.. ‘hmm ok I’ll fake it and act like I am, hmm that hasn’t worked  for very long in the past”..and then the dreams come again,  wishing I could do my own thing; wishing I didn’t have to constantly try to belong somewhere where I don’t feel like I belong, just because I HAVE TO. I try to shove the thoughts away. So it goes on and on. And as the bills get behind, I find myself  closer and closer with what I am desperately trying to avoid and dreading ” take the job at the daycare 30 minutes away, full time, the job that has the potential to give me horrible panic attacks like it has in the past” time ticks and the only choice I seem to have closes in.. oh Jesus I don’t want to, but  your will,  not my own”

The gentle motivation never stops though, I keep hoping God will move mountains, that miracles can happen, that something I love will take off, that He hears my prayer and cry, that my efforts won’t be futile, and that because we are close to Disney world dreams can come true.. :P, like the clocks says: In His time.

31 years around the sun

Today, being some hours away from turning 31 years old; I conclude that having a lost look about me  ( it’s what I’ve been told ever since I can remember) and even looking that way when I know exactly what I’m doing, is just part of who I am; and I’m ok with that. Thank you Jesus for almost 31 years around the sun with my scattered brain, because its the one you gave me

To dream..

 

You are never to old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream. I think the main reason why I like that quote is because C.S Lewis said it, and I respect what he says, the man knows what he is talking about 🙂 plus if he didn’t give up on things, then I shouldn’t either 🙂

 

Can dreams come true? ..maybe sometimes they don’t in the way we thought but in a different way?

Lately I have been praying to God for new dreams.. over and over and over; then I realize I am stuck there, getting caught up in myself. So I take this..

 

BLOG PRAY CONTINUALLY 6

Usually when I want to pray for things happening in the world I never know where to start or what to pray for, so when world vision sends us these magazines I think it’s great.

click on it to be able to read it

 

PRAY CONTINUALLY 1blog pray continually 2

 

I will go crazy if I get caught up in my own stuff…

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I finally decided to do this..

So I finally decided to open a blog. I have been thinking about it for years but keep wrestling with the thought ” why would people care about what have to say or about what I do?” the truth is I am still struggling with the thought, however, I have decided to ignore the voices in my head and do it anyways. The reason being that I truly love to share my thoughts and my art with people, and since I am kind of a homebody; doing it through here sounds like a good idea.

I also decided to do something else, after years of admiring people’s artwork online on a famous online art market called ” Etsy” I decided to open my own. The reality is I have never truly felt good enough to be on etsy ( I still don’t) There’s INCREDIBLY TALENTED PEOPLE ON THERE, and my PHOTOGRAPHY HAS TO BE OUSTANDING to really stand out (and it’s not, I know nothing about photography :P) yet art has become to me a way of expression, like nothing else. I can take things I am thinking and that I have in my heart, and splash it into color and words; and when it’s done the intense desire of self expression feels deeply satisfied ( until something else stirs me 🙂

Even though I haven’t sold anything on the website, the journey has already proven to be quite fulfilling; I have met friends that share the same passion for art and for God and have been deeply encouraging; plus it is really fun to think of new things that I can add ( like a BIG BIG project) Some days I have gotten discouraged, it’s been lots of work and seems it like doesn’t amount to anything; but I have realized than when you truly love doing something it feels worse to quit then to keep trying and failing.
Early on in my life art has always captivated me ( specially colorful art) when I was in college studying education my greatest joy was coloring the front cover of my paper’s; but I never admitted that to anyone. I felt like that world didn’t want to belong to me so I tucked it inside and that was that. After going through months and months of intense shadows in my life, with no sense of direction, I have been pursuing this hobby consistently. The reason being just because it makes me happy, because it lifts the clouds, because it keeps my mind busy and because I feel God has given me this as an outlet. It is great great joy!

I have posted some pictures here in ” Art gallery” of the work I’ve been doing. Many have been on facebook. The organization or photography of the pictures isn’t very good, the reason being that I know nothing about photography or making a blog presentable.. but I am working on it 🙂 I also posted a tab to the little shop I am working on ” etsy shop” so if you want to see it just click there 🙂 or here:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/LazyBearsSpot?ref=hdr_shop_menu

My Ongoing list of things I’ve learned while living in the United States. It’s been 2 years and it’s been getting longer so I decided to put it in a blog.

 My Ongoing list of things I’ve learned while living in the United States]; it started at Western Michigan University, but then I forgot about it. Lately I’ve picked it up again and added stuff. It’s been 2 years now and it’s been getting longer so I decided to put it in a blog. Feel free to correct me grammar people 🙂

Things I’ve learned while living in the United States for 8 months..

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1- Americans have more then enough T- shirts, food and condoms, that’s why they raffle them or simply give them away

2- Only America would come up with a contest such as ” the chili challenge” where your insides are burned and churned. My stomach has been messed up ever since; I would recommend never entering a contest that has the word ” chili” on it.

3- Gaining AT LEAST 5 or 10 pounds in America and KEEPING them is ALMOST inevitable. Fries, pizza and burgers ARE EVERYWHERE, if I walk a few feet from my house I will inevitably run into a Mcdonald’s. I am sure they are even in your dreams, so go on eat a fry or two and enjoy life…not to many though 😛

4- The first thing you see when entering an American’s house is a HUGE TV with a stack of movies on the side. The group of movies usually includes ” The best of Disney”and classics such as: Shrek, Toy story, up robot, etc. THERE IS always one of those dinosaur movies and the most BORING ACTION MOVIES EVER, such as Die hard and the fast and the furious. Can’t leave the Christmas movies out

5- We, the non north American folk, love WHITE GUYS ( or white girls, haha) because our own are boring. They, in contrast love Dominican’s ( or any other country) because white girls and guys are boring to them, what a nice contrast huh?!

6-Radio stations play the same songs OVER AND OVER AND OVER until I want to throw them up, and I thought Dominicans stations were bad, at least we have a variety of at least 20 songs.

7- At first it baffled me that there was no waste basket to throw away toilet paper, I always thought “did they forget to put a waste basket? then I noticed nobody had waste baskets in their bathroom, so I understood.. ” its suppose to be thrown in the toilet” . Sooo.. my friend thinks it’s gross we throw toilet paper in the waste basket, but I think its just as gross to throw it in the toilet.. I mean, sure it dissapears fast, but eeww, where does it end up?

8- Does everyone use a cup in America to brush their teeth? I don’t get the deal with the cup

9- It’s amazing how everyone just disappears the second an event or a meeting is over.. ( ex, fireworks at the beach the 4th of july: hours waiting, its over, two seconds later everyone is getting up to leave.

10- some girls in the states just dress like dudes.. its ok if they do, its just, It’s different. Everyone in Dominican is always dressed up in tight clothes, high heels, freshly done hair.. why? where are you going? to get some toilet paper at the store? ooooh ok, it makes sense now. I guess I can’t identify with either.

 

11- Americans have wipes to clean ANYTHING! any type of butt and any type of surface! yea!

 

12-  Where are the people that wear all the nice clothes they sell at the store? cause I haven’t seen one American that isn’t in jeans and a t-shirt” ( ok wait.. 2 years later I have noticed people wear nice stuff in the summer, so I might take that back 🙂

 

13- While watching the movie Spanglish I always love the part when the girl ( which is very upset in the moment) tells her mom ” not now I need some space’ and the mom very firmly and lovingly says ” NO SPACE BETWEEN US” Can’t think of a better way to define the difference between many north American families and Hispanic/Latin families. While I can see disadvantages in both no space and to much space I will definitely pick no space; why? even though fights might sometimes be more frequent when you are “to close” the love and support I get from my family out weight all of that. Plus we get to keep our grandma’s and grandpa’s close, very close, as in the same house close :O)

 

14- At Wedding’s: People in the states say a few words and dig in right in, while in Dominican people will dance until midnight and FINALLY AT THE END HAVE DINNER.. which is torture. I guess it’s cool if you have killer dance moves, but I’m the girl sitting over there…watching the cool people show off their moves ( it’s ok people, you can).  Take me to an American wedding, I’m hungry.

 

15- In the States all the girls curl their hair for weddings, while in Dominican ALL the girls straighten it. It takes both groups HOURS to do it.

 

16- Nobody lives here in the winter ( shhhh we are hiding, it’s cold). EVERYBODY lives here in the summer, and they have dogs. I wonder where those dogs pee all winter…hmm.

17- It seems everyone ( well at least here in MI) has a small dog for company. Everyone has dogs in Dominican too, but BIG SCARY ONES to keep robbers away